How to ask someone to be a reference (examples included)

It can feel uncomfortable, awkward, and even a little scary to ask someone to be a reference for you. But it’s worth making this request to secure professional references who can speak credibly to your experience and strengths. We’ve put together this step-by-step guide to help you learn how to ask someone to be a reference for you.

How to ask someone to be a job reference

It’s common for prospective employers to request your references during the hiring process. Here’s how to ask someone to be a professional reference for you:

Choose potential references

Start by making a list of people who can vouch for you professionally. As you review your list, consider who has the most insight into your experience, skills, and accomplishments. Identify your top three to four choices for professional references.

Some helpful potential references include:

• Former managers or supervisors

• Former colleagues you’ve worked with closely

• Former team members you’ve supervised

• Former clients or customers

• Internship supervisors or coordinators

• Volunteer supervisors or coordinators

• Professors, teachers, mentors, or coaches

Make your request

Never list someone as a reference without asking them first. If you don’t ask and they’re caught off guard by a reference check, it can make you look bad. So make your request as early as possible to give the person time to consider. 

Now what do you say when asking for references? Ask politely and give them the option to say no. For example, here are a few ways you can politely ask someone to be a reference:

• Do you feel comfortable providing a reference for me?

• Do you feel like you can give me a positive recommendation for this job?

• Do you have the time to be a professional reference for me?

These options allow the person to accept or decline your request respectfully. If they say no, thank them for their time and choose another person to ask.

Be gracious

When someone agrees to be a reference for you, express your appreciation. Acknowledge the time they’re taking to provide you with a reference. It should also go without saying, but if they ask for your support in the future, make sure to return the favor.

Provide details

Once someone agrees to be a reference for you, provide them with some essential information. If you haven’t worked together in a while, send them a copy of your resume to help them remember your skills and qualifications.

You should also let your references know when you have given their information to a hiring manager, along with an explanation of the job you’re applying for and why you believe you’re a good fit. You can also outline specific skills, anecdotes, or achievements that you’d like them to mention when they speak with the hiring manager.

Follow up with references

If someone takes the time to provide a reference for you, follow up with them about the outcome. Let them know if you got the job and show your gratitude for their part in your success. If you don’t get the job, keep them updated about your search, especially if you plan to use them as a reference again.

How to ask someone to be a reference examples

Here are examples you can use when asking someone to be a reference for you over the phone, by email, or in a text message:

How to ask someone to be a reference over the phone

A phone call is the best option because it allows you to personalize your request. It also gives you real-time insight into whether they’re willing to serve as a professional reference for you. If they sound hesitant, that might be your cue to ask someone else instead.

Follow this example to call a potential reference:

How to ask someone to be a reference via email

Some people may feel put on the spot with a phone call. Emailing a potential reference is another effective and polite way to make the request. It also gives them additional time to consider and respond.

Here’s an example of what to write in the email:

How to ask someone to be a reference via text

In most cases, it’s better to make your request with a phone call or an email. However, if you have an informal relationship with the potential reference or if you know they prefer to communicate via text, you can send them a text message with your request.

Follow this example to ask someone to be a reference via text:

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Key takeaways

1. Carefully consider your potential references and ask them as early as possible.

2. Never use someone as a professional reference without asking them first.

3. Give your references information about the job you’re applying for and follow up with them about the outcome.